Hoping, Trusting, and Deciphering the Unforeseeable Future
Hey, 2021. We’ve been expecting you for quite some time and now that you’re finally here, we’re glad. 2020 can keep all the bad memories but please do me a favor: Open more doors for me. For us.
Maybe we’re expecting too much from you or maybe we’re just out here, betting our lives on you but here’s the thing — it doesn’t work out that way. As painful as it is to say it, it’s up to us to get back on track. 2021 is just a year. We’re just trying to hope for the better after what happened last year. At least, I’m trying to make myself and my life better.
“Every night I try my best to dream, tomorrow makes it better. Then I wake up to the cold reality that not a thing has changed.” — Last Hope, Paramore
Throwback to my last article about being jobless for 10 months and well, it’s been a year now. Again, not proud of it. When the new year finally came, I doubled (even tripled) my effort into looking for a job and it bore fruit. Two job interview opportunities came and I immediately grabbed it. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I physically and mentally prepared myself for the situation but unfortunately, I wasn’t selected. Neither of the two companies contacted me anymore so I figured that was it. I‘m thankful for the progress of my job hunt. Although, I still can’t help but be frustrated at the fact that despite my efforts, I’m not being taken into consideration. Sometimes I ask myself if I lack the skills or if I’m not good enough for the job. It’s frustrating, really. It keeps me up awake at night, wondering if I could’ve done better.
On the other hand, it makes me rethink about what I really want to do with my life. I want an office job but also not. I’m open to try it but I don’t see myself in that field forever. Right now, I don’t really have much of a choice because of what the world is dealing with right now. It’s a matter of making ends meet just to survive. Nowadays, it feels so hard to choose between career or happiness and pursuing your passion or just being content. To some people it seems easy but to someone like me, it’s a tough decision to make.
“But it will happen. Gotta let it happen.” — Last Hope, Paramore
I’m a creative person. When I was a little girl, I liked to play with Barbies and Beyblades but more than anything, I love to write and perform. I used to make short fantasy stories, sing my heart out to random songs and my mom would be so proud of me.
I want to make my dream come true — to be a writer and/or performer.
Little by little, I try to make those strides towards making it happen. But in order for me to do that, I have to do something first. I have to start at the bottom because the only way to get out of it is up. Truth be told, it’s a really, really hard process. Having a positive mindset all through it all is a challenge but I try.
I’m not giving up because I know I’ll get there. (You’ll get there too, dear reader!) What I’m dealing with right now is the universe’s way of telling me to wait just a little bit more and trust in the process. Patience is really a tough virtue to follow. As much as possible, I divert myself into other things to stop myself from thinking much about it. Yeah, I’m still looking for a job but also considering other options if one day I ever get tired of job hunting. If no doors will open for me, then I’ll just go ahead and build my own damn door. But for now, in this very moment, I’ll continue to move along and keep my hopes up.
“It’s just a spark but it’s enough to keep me going.” — Last Hope, Paramore
